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Ty plays FE4: The Down's Syndrome Run


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Chapter 5, Part 2: Die Die Desert



Before we begin, since everyone reached level 30 during the last round of Boss Abuse, let us take a moment to examine the final stats of our army. We're approaching the end of the first generation, so their inventories will remain unchanged, barring the necessity of repairing their weapons.
 
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Claude, the Expensive Healer...
 
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...Tiltyu, Mistress of Tilting People...
 
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...Briggid, the Pirate Princess...
 
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...Ferry, the Failed Sequence Breaker...
 
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...the Big Bad Beowulf...
 
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...Sylvia, the Poisoned Womb...
 
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...Lewyn, the Wasted Wind Mage...
 
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...Raquesis, the Brother Fucker...
 
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...Holyn, the Swordmaster Hero Vergil Fighter...
 
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...Jamke, the Incestuously-Spawned Former Axe Fighter...
 
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...Ayra the Amazing...
 
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...Dew, the Straightest Shota...
 
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...Adean, the Pedophile Priestess...
 
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...Midayle Gribble, Exterminator Extraordinaire...
 
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...Lex, the Honest Axeman...
 
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...Azel, of the Sinnoh Lake Trio...
 
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...Arden, the Pursuit Ring Provider...
 
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...some guy who I never bothered to use...
 
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...Lloyd Irving's Loyal Pet, and Viewtiful Joe's Number-One Fan, Noishe...
 
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...and last, but not least, Our Hero, Sigurd "ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN" of Chalphy. There's a reason why he still has the Paragon Ring. We'll get to that at a later date.
 
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Meanwhile, look who else decided to finally show up!
 
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And he brought his waifu and daughter along, too! What could possibly go wrong?
 
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Too old. Do not want.
 
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Oh, it's hinderin' their movement, all right. But we'll get to that after the rest of this important plot stuff.
 
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Once this LP is over, I might start another Fire Emblem timeline thread and try to figure out some way for the Dozel family to be related to Dozla.
 
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Manfroy's talent for dumping exposition was inherited from his father, Manfeliwood.
 
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The turn after you seize Lubeck Castle, a bunch of Fire Mages will spawn, armed with long-range Meteor Tomes. This one tried to snipe Arden while he wasn't looking, but once again, Arden blocked it thanks to a well-timed Greatshield. Regardless, you'll want to send Ferry to take the Fire Mages out.
 
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Besides the Fire Mages, seizing Lubeck Castle will also enable us to view a few conversations. I wouldn't necessarily call them plot stuff; more like "character development". Starting off, here's Sigurd x Ayra.
 
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Followed by Dew x Jamke.
 
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And finally, Lex x Azel.
 
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Things aren't looking too good for Quan and his buddies.
 
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For once, we get a few unique battle conversations from someone other than a boss.
 
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Now, allow me to explain why I hate this part so much. Simply put, I hate desert chapters in this series. Almost all of your units are completely crippled movement-wise, while the enemies almost always consist of Wyvern Riders who are free to fly around and fuck your shit up. In addition, you have to go out of your way to place your units on certain tiles in the middle of Bumblefuck, Nowhere in order to get certain items that will otherwise disappear forever. And there's almost always Fog of War. Thankfully, those last two complaints don't apply here, but the fact remains: desert levels are to Fire Emblem as water levels are to Zelda.
 
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Despite being a scripted battle between green and yellow units, it is possible to prevent the deaths of Quan and Ethlyn. However, doing so renders the chapter unbeatable. More details here.
 
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Also, for some reason, Travant talks like a New York mobster in this patch.
 
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Once Quan and Ethlyn are dead, Travant will leave, and the remaining Wyvern Knights will turn red and start coming after you.
 
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But before we deal with them, there are two Priests guarding Phinora Castle wielding Sleep Staffs. We'll want to kill them first. There are also a few remaining Meteor-sniping Fire Mages lurking around, so Ferry will want to finish wiping them out. Try to keep your mounted units away from the Wyvern Knights, as they are all carrying Horse Slayers. Better yet, just park Lewyn within their attack range and watch them get Forseti'd to death.
 
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Aside from spamming Meteor at you, Vaha is also equipped with a copy of Raquesis's Miracle Sword, which causes attacks to miss a lot when she's at low health. I honestly didn't expect Dew to kill her here; I just wanted to steal her gold.
 
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Before seizing Phinora Castle, I highly, highly recommend moving everyone all the way down south next to this little gate thingy. Doing so now will spare us the agony of having to do so while dodging heavy artillery.
 
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As someone who's very close with his little sister, this scene always gets to me a little bit.
 
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The plot thickens!

 

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@Iridium:

man, those units are so good, i hope none of them die

 

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Chapter 5, Part 3: Kentucky Fried Chalphy



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Seizing Phinora Castle will spawn yet another swarm of Meteor-hurling Fire Mages, as well as Reptor's main battalion. Also, in a normal playthrough, you can now activate lots of conversations between characters who are married to each other. But since this is a Down's Syndrome run, none of my pairings are compatible. So instead, I'll just list the ones that are:
 
*Tiltyu x Azel/Claude/Lex
*Ferry x Lewyn/Arden/Noishe
*Sylvia x Claude/Lewyn/Alec
*Raquesis x Beowulf/Noishe/Dew
*Ayra x Lex/Holyn/Arden
*Briggid x Jamke/Alec/Midayle
*Adean x Claude (this one can be viewed at any point in the chapter, and will give Adean the Rescue Staff)
 
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But what's this? The Fire Mages have suddenly turned yellow!
 
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Meanwhile, it's time for ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN to begin his excruciatingly-slow trek south through the desert to join up with the rest of the party. Maybe I should've paired Adean with Claude after all...
 
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Normally, this would be a good thing, but since Reptor has some unique boss conversations that I want to show off, I might end up soft-resetting and waiting for Sigurd to catch up.
 
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Well, here's Tiltyu vs Reptor, anyway. Despite what you'd think, Reptor has no unique boss conversation with Claude.
 
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He does have one with Aida, though.
 
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And finally, with Sigurd.
 
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Also, Mjolnir's battle animation because why not.
 
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Now that we've beaten the closest thing the first generation has to a final boss, this is your last chance to shuffle around everyone's inventory to pass things down to your kids. Anything being held by someone not paired up will instead be dropped by random Mooks throughout the second generation. At least, I think that's how it works. Don't quote me on that.
 
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Once you're ready, move Sigurd over to Velthomer Castle and have him talk to Aida.
 
Now, to attempt to fully emulate the mood of the following scenes, I'm going to be sharing some YouTube links to the game's OST. Before you scroll down, open this link in a new tab.
 
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Now close the tab you just opened and open this one.
 
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Now close that tab and open this one.
 
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Now close that tab so that everything is silent.
 
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Now open this tab (which just so happens to be one of my favorite tracks in the game).
 
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Once the song stops playing, close it and open this one.
 
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And so, on the note of falling just 32 images short of breaking the four-digit mark, this is the conclusion of Sigurd's tale. And let me just say, auto-scrolling text is a bitch. I had to soft-reset and watch Sigurd die about four times due to not capturing the screen at just the right moment. In terms of the translation, I'd say that I'm content with the way they handled Sigurd's last words. "DAMN YOU" is a lot less mood-killingly silly than "YOU DASTARD". theydonothing;

 

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@Iridium:

FUCK

 

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Chapter 6, Part 1: Blight Inheritors



Prior to Chapter 5, the expository plot stuff would be accompanied by this song. From here on out, this song will play instead. Just to give you an idea of how much the world has changed. Also, since it was unanimously decided that I should keep sharing the music during important cutscenes, I will do just that. However, I will try to limit it to particularly emotional ones, so I don't slow down anyone's browsers.
 
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Also, I tried using Photoshop to patch up text boxes that cut off only a single line. Let me know if it looks too sloppy.
 
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Damnit, I wanted the 1,000th image to be something cool, not boring plot stuff! Oh well...
 
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I'm probably in the minority here, but I'm actually rather okay with Awakening's new names for Ayra's kids. Mainly because "Lakche" and "Skasaha" are infinitely harder to pronounce.
 
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Remember, Shanan is still holding onto Deirdre's orders to protect Seliph.
 
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So am I, Ullster. So am I.
 
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Interesting bit of trivia: Tirnanog was also the name of the company that Shozou Kaga founded after he left Nintendo to make Tear Ring Saga. The fact that he chose to name his company after a town known for harboring a rebellion against an oppressive empire makes me worried about Kaga's feelings for the way the Fire Emblem series is being handled. Especially after the "Emblem Saga" lawsuit.
 
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Of course, chronologically, this takes place at least 4,000 years before Awakening and the whole NUNSWITHAXES thing.
 
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Finally.
 
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Starting off, say hello to our new Lord, Seliph. In addition to inheriting the Paragon Ring from his father ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN, he also gets Sigurd's Silver Sword, which has a fantastic 52 kills on it.
 
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Next up is Lana, who got the Bargain skill from Dew. This is a good thing because Adean's staffs are very expensive to repair. However, she has no way to gain money yet, so we'll either have to marry her to a rich husbandou, or promote her quickly so she can fight in the Arena. Speaking of which, I'm not sure if Chapter 6 even has an Arena, but even if it does, the game spawns you outside of the Home Castle, so we'd have to waste the first turn to use it.
 
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Then there's Larcei, who inherited Ayra's Brave Sword and Knight Ring, and a few other pointless weapons that I can sell for dosh. As I said before, Ayra's kids are practically impossible to fuck up, so instead of Down's Syndrome, they were born with High-Functioning Autism. (EDITOR'S NOTE: Bad joke. I apologize.)
 
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Finally, we have Ullster, who inherited Major Blaggi blood and the Valkyrie Staff, but will never be able to use it due to his class. theydonothing;
 
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Viewing this conversation will increase Larcei's Luck by one point.
 
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Since the poll said that I wasn't showing off enough battles, here's Ullster's first kill: an Axe Fighter that Seliph had counter-attacked during the enemy's turn.
 
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Followed by Larcei's, who won't let her Minor Blaggi blood stop her from being a rape machine just like her mother.
 
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And Seliph, who disappointingly fails to score a crit with his father's Silver Sword.
 
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If you thought Cervantes had the awesomest mustache in the Fire Emblem series, than you obviously haven't seen Oifey's!
 
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He also comes with an Armorslayer, a Javelin, and good enough stats to create a new archetype of "actually good Jagens"! However, we won't be needing his services until a bit later in the game, when more of the kids have shown up.
 
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I'm still debating what to do with the Power Ring. Since my Dew ended up being unexpectedly strong, I'm not sure if Lester will need it. For now, though, he can keep it.
 
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Delmud inherited the Leg Ring from Arden, but as a mounted unit, he really doesn't need it. I'll send him to the Pawn Shop later.
 
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For the first time in forever, I'm showing off a level-up because this one really deserves it. The only stats that didn't go up were Magic and Resistance.
 
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Aww, this chapter doesn't have an Arena after all... Well, at least now I know for future playthroughs.
 
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As we view a conversation between Seliph and Oifey, we're also introduced to the awesomeness that is Seliph's theme song.
 
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Viewing this conversation will reveal that Adean is still alive, as well as increase Lana's Luck by one point.
 
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Now, we could have Oifey devour those Armor Knights with his Armorslayer, but where'd be the fun in that? Instead, we're going to tag-team them with our band of children.
 
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Worth noting is that this Bandit has been in this spot since the beginning of the chapter, but still hasn't gone after that village yet for some reason. y;
 
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Of course, the turn after I say that... anhero;
 
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Our current task is to break through a small band of Axe Fighters coming through this little crevice here.
 
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Lester's first level-up: HP, Skill, and Strength.
 
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Maybe I shouldn't have sold the Leg Ring...
 
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While Delmud takes care of that Bandit, everyone else should get ready to storm Ganeish Castle.
 
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This will be important for the next episode.
 
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Behold: Seliph's awesome critical hit animation!
 
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Harold doesn't have any unique boss conversations, but does drop the Return Ring upon defeat.
 
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As we close out the episode by reuniting with an old friend, we get to hear yet another awesome piece of music: Julia's theme.

 

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@Chrom:

I think Kaga's retired now.

 

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Chapter 6, Part 2: Family Feud



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Continuing from where we left off, Julia joins the party, but her inventory is empty. We'll have to rectify that soon.
 
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Here, we have two mini-bosses: Johalva the Fighter, and Johan the Axe Knight. We'll get to them shortly.
 
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First, meet our two newest party members: Ferry's daughter Fee, and Tiltyu's son Arthur.
 
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Remember, Ferry canonically marries Lewyn, who we just met last turn. I guess they tried to write this conversation to make it ambiguous who Fee's father is.
 
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So Fee was inspired to join up with Seliph after Ferry used to tell her stories about ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN.
 
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Fee comes with any items Ferry had on her at the end of the first generation, along with the Berserk Sword. Apparently, Pegasus Knights can use swords in this game even before they promote. You learn something new every playthrough.
 
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Arthur starts with a Wind Tome, and Noishe's Pursuit Ring. If we'd paired Tiltyu with Lewyn, he'd be holding the Forseti Tome, all set and ready to go. This is why Lewyn x Tiltyu is one of the best pairings: Disc 1 nuke for the second gen.
 
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Seizing Ganeish Castle will cause all the Bandits on this map to start moving. Since there are a lot of villages in this chapter, we'll want to have Fee take out as many Bandits as she can.
 
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Have Lana talk to Julia to give her a Mend Staff. Now Julia can gain EXP, but she still can't fight yet.
 
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Now comes the introduction of this game's incarnation of the Arran and Samson archetype. Both Johan and Johalva have crushes on Larcei, but since this isn't the manga, we can't recruit both. Gameplay-wise, their stats are pretty similar, with the only major difference being that Johan is mounted. Thus, the real choice is between the items you get from conquering the castle of the one you didn't choose. In any other playthrough, I would always go for Johalva, as picking him will get Julia a Nosferatu Tome (Nosferatu has a strange habit of flipping between Light and Dark magic in every game). But for the sake of doing something different, this time I'll go for Johan.
 
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I always thought it was rather strange how Larcei and the Dozel brothers seem to know each other before you recruit the latter. You'd think that Larcei would try to avoid them if she was trying to hide from the empire. Also worth mentioning is that since the manga portrays Lex x Ayra as canon, the Dozel brothers are technically in love with their cousin. But then again, this is FE4, so we're used to incest by now.
 
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Of course, by NTRing Johalva, we've caused him to go after us! This should make for an amusing set of boss conversations...
 
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Looks like we'll soon be facing off against the night watchman at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza.
 
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Unique boss conversation between the Dozel brothers...
 
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And Larcei vs Johalva, with the most fitting music track I could think of.
 
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Schmidt's troops will go after the castle owned by the Dozel brother that you recruited, but I don't think there's any reward for saving it/punishment for letting it die. Just note that it's a lot easier to save Johalva's castle than Johan's.
 
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I'll show off this conversation between Fee and Seliph for completion's sake, but afterwards I'm soft-resetting because Fee really can't afford to wast time with so many Bandits on the loose.
 
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This one with Arthur can stay, though.
 
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Meanwhile, let's move Lester and Delmud to the south toward the main conflict, while Ulster, Lana, Julia, Johan, and Larcei trail behind them.
 
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Oh, so letting the Dozel-owned green castle fall doesn't destroy it; just turns it red. That's good to know.
 
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Fee saves the last village with three turns to spare...
 
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...while Seliph goes after Sophara Castle (the one that Johalva controlled).
 
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With Schmidt's army drawing closer, we'll move our main battalion back a bit so they can stick together.
 
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Seliph kills the Fighter guarding Sophara Castle and levels up, gaining everything except Luck.
 
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Since we just seized a castle, I should technically call it an episode here, but since the next one is literally right in front of us, I guess I can stretch this one out a bit longer.
 
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As Seliph begins his painfully-slow trek to reunite with the main party, they prepare to face off against Schmidt's group. Schmidt himself is the biggest threat, with three leadership stars that will provide a boost to his cronies' stats. But since he doesn't have a ranged weapon, Lester and Arthur can safely attack him from afar, along with anyone else who may have inherited a magic sword. Your safest bet, though, is to play defensively until Seliph catches up.
 
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After a few turns of soft-resetting and praying to Anna, here's what our battle formation looks like.
 
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Unfortunately, Julia is slain in the ensuing battle. But pay attention to her death quote. We'll get into its significance a bit later.
 
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With Julia gone, Schmidt will flee from the battle, taking his leadership stars with him. With the stat boost to the enemy Axe Knights no longer in effect, they're much easier to deal with.
 
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Now that Schmidt's cronies are all dead, let's chase after him (with a brief detour back to Ganeish to repair Larcei and Ulster's weapons)!
 
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Visiting this village will net you a Skill Ring. We'll definitely want that for Johan.
 
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Schmidt retreats all the way back to Rivough Castle for reinforcements...
 
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...but forgets to leave anyone behind to guard Isaach Castle!  y;  This gives us free rein to just waltz on over and have Seliph seize it without a fight.
 
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As we seize Isaach Castle, we end things off...
 
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...on a cliffhanger! theydonothing;

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Chapter 6, Part 3: The King of Yogurt



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Let's not waste any time here. We'll start by taking out as many Axe Knights as we can.
 
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...or, we could anti-climatically take out Schmidt in one turn by gang-raping him with Fee, Arthur, and Lester. That works too, I guess. y;
 
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Upon defeat, Schmidt will drop Lex's old Brave Axe, with the same kill count it had on it at the end of the first gen! We'll definitely want to sell that to Johan!
 
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With Schmidt's leadership stars gone, the Axe Knights suffer a drop not only in stats, but also in AI: all eight of them tried to attack Delmud with Hand Axes, despite Arthur and Lester being left wide open. theydonothing;
 
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With his uncle's Brave Axe in his possession, Johan becomes Lex 2.0! All he's missing is the Hand Axe, which he probably won't need anyway.
 
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Have Seliph visit the village to the northwest of Isaach Castle to see a hilarious conversation.
 
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Viewing this conversation will boost Lana's HP by 3, and her love points with Seliph by 100. Speaking of love points, I will at least try to pollute the gene pool even further by pairing up cousins with each other, but since there's no third generation, this won't be a main priority.
 
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Because Lana is running low on funds, I'm going to spend the next dozen or so turns having her visit the villages to the north and south of Sophara Castle so she can collect gold.
 
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Once she's back, let's move toward Rivough Castle to prepare for our fight with Dannan.
 
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Unique boss conversation between Johan and Dannan. As for Dannan himself, all he has to defend himself is a Silver Axe. But as much as I'd love to do some boss abuse with Arthur and Lester, since this chapter doesn't have an Arena, I can't afford to fix their weapons.
 
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In another conversation with Seliph that I didn't know about until now, he discusses his family's grudge against ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN.
 
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Once he's dead, he'll drop the Thief Sword, which allows the wielder to steal gold every time they land a hit with it. Technically, we could've gotten this all the way back in Chapter 2, by having Dew talk to Raquesis, but the conversation doesn't trigger if Dew is already married.
 
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Before the end-of-chapter plot stuff, here's the reason why I didn't soft-reset when Julia fell last episode: if Julia is defeated in battle, she doesn't die; she just gets "captured" and taken to the castle that you have to seize to clear the chapter. Once you seize it, she'll rejoin the party, good as new. This also applies to Deirdre in the first generation, but since I mainly used Deirdre as a Staff-whore, she never really had the opportunity to "die".
 
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At this point, Seliph's theme starts playing again.
 
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All right, cool. We're heading off to Leonster next. I wonder if we'll see any-
 
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Chapter 7, Part 1: Another God Damned Desert Chapter



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Expository plot stuff, during which Thracia 776 takes place. Also, I tried a different format this time where I'd use Photoshop to stitch together every text box for each time the map moves. Let me know if you prefer the old format.
 
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We meet another old friend, and two new ones, too.
 
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Bad guy talk.
 
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Great, now we have three groups to worry about.
 
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Ahh, the Arena. It's been too long. Also, for the first time in this LP, everyone is able to clear all 7 opponents before leaving the Home Castle!
 
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What kinda sucks is that Leif, Finn, and Nanna spawn right next to a castle, but not inside it, so they can't use the Arena without wasting the first turn.
 
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Before we get started, let's meet our new party members. First up is a familiar face, Shanan. See that Steel Blade he's holding? Well, he won't be holding it for much longer.
 
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Next up is Patty, Briggid's daughter. In addition to the Sleep Sword (which makes the Arena a joke), she also has a Thunder Sword and Magic Ring that she inherited from her father Azel.
 
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Then there's Leif. Despite being the same class as Raquesis, he can't use Staffs until he promotes. So instead, he'll need to rack up some kills with Ethlyn's Light Sword. Sorry, Leif. No staff abuse for you.
 
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Speaking of Raquesis, here's her daughter Nanna. Due to Arden being her father, she starts with an A-rank in Swords. But she'll most likely remain a Staff-whore for a while until she promotes.
 
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Finally, our old buddy Finn, who I never got to use after promoting in the first gen because he left immediately after. Worth noting is that if he got married and had children, his Brave Lance will be gone.
 
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If we have Oifey talk to Delmud, Delmud's Strength, Skill, and Defense will all increase by 1. Worth noting is that the conversation remains unchanged, even if Finn married Raquesis and is therefore Delmud's father. Presumably, this is because Raquesis canonically fucks both Finn and Beowulf, bearing Nanna from the former and Delmud from the latter.
 
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Next, we want to have Shanan talk to Patty.
 
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In loving memory of Shanan's Steel Blade, Chapter 7 Turn 1-Chapter 7 Turn 1. Rest in peace.
 
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We can now leave Shanan behind to deal with those Dark Mages, while Patty makes her daring escape.
 
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Bandits will start moving at the end of the first turn, but they're all easily within the attack range of Team Leonster.
 
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Visiting this village will yield a Speed Ring. Eventually, we'll want to sell it to someone who gets hit a lot, but for now, Finn can keep it.
 
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*sigh* I guess I don't have a choice. It's finally time to begin moving through... the desert. anhero;
 
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While that's going on, there's this asshole; a palette swap of one of the Lords of Augustria.
 
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Speaking of Augustria, there's something oddly familiar about this blonde guy talking to a prostitute... He seems to bear a grudge against Seliph just for being the son of ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN...
 
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After a few turns, Team Leonster will be approached by a group of Armor Knights, backed by a General and a Thunder Mage. However, their low movement range means that they're not much of a threat right now. (NOTE: At this point, I ended up restarting from just after the first turn because Patty kept dying. Everything else is mostly the same, except that now Patty is staying close to Shanan rather than trying to escape)
 
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One way to make traversing the desert less painful is to stay on the tiles marked "Sand" instead of "Desert".
 
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Cutozov is no match for Shanan, and he also drops the Bargain Ring. I'm thinking that I'll let Shanan keep it because it's going to be expensive to keep repairing the Balmung.
 
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This may seem counter-intuitive, but letting Leonster get captured is actually a good idea, as it means that Seliph can seize it later and hopefully be able to use something other than the Repair Shop.
 
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While Seliph heads north towards Yied Castle to seize it, everyone else will want to head south, towards these yellow Myrmidons.
 
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Since Seliph and Shanan will be bump into each other on the way to their respective destinations, we can view a conversation between them that will increase Seliph's skill by 1.
 
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And just like last chapter, there's a lone Bandit that, despite having ample access to a village, will instead choose to stand around ignoring it until a certain turn passes. y;
 
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This time, instead of important plot stuff, we get important backstory stuff!

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Chapter 7, Part 2: So a Palette-Swapped Augustrian Noble, a Blonde Guy, and a Prostitute Walk into a Bar...


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From where we left off, seizing Yied Castle will cause part of the ground to collapse, creating a shortcut down from the cliffs. Would've been nice to know about before I sent Patty around the long way.
 
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More bad guy talk.
 
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Between the Melgen soldiers that spawn during that cutscene, and the group of Armor Knights from earlier, Team Leonster is caught between a rock and a hard place. We'll want to send somebody down to help them out.
 
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In addition to 100 love points and a reminder that MONEY IS REALLY IMPORTANT, DAMNIT, this conversation will net Seliph another Brave Sword! But as awesome as that is, Seliph doesn't really need any other weapon then the Silver Sword of ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN, so we'll most likely sell it to Ulster.
 
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While our main battalion heads south to assist Team Leonster, we'll send Johan and Fee to the west to take out that Bandit.
 
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So then the talent agent sits there with a stunned look on his face and says, "Well, that's quite an act you have there. What do you call it?" And then the bartender triumphantly stands up and says, "The Aristocrats!"
 
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After taking out the lone Bandit, visiting the village will give us a Shield Ring. Since Fee already has one that she inherited from Ferry, we'll want to sell this one to one of our Mages.
 
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Since those yellow Myrmidons are impassable for both red and blue units, Team Leonster shouldn't have to worry about the Melgen soldiers. Instead, they can focus on fighting off the Alster Armor Knights (which, by the way, will keep spawning from Alster Castle until we seize it).
 
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While we wait for Seliph and Patty to catch up, we can view a conversation between Larcei and Shanan, which will give them 100 love points and increase Larcei's Strength by 2.
 
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Once we're ready, our main force will head south to begin our assault on Melgen Castle.
 
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Melgen Castle is surrounded by Armor Knights and Mages, so we'll want to send Johan and Arthur after the former, and our other physical fighters after the latter. The boss, Ishtor, will try to snipe us from afar with his Bolting Tome. And unlike in Awakening, long-range tomes can double-attack in this game. So, be careful.
 
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Liza isn't too tough, but she's packing a Shield Ring, a Magic Ring, and some leadership stars, so we'll want to take her out quickly with Shanan.
 
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Also, if we move Team Leonster to this little spot northwest of Alster Castle, then Lana will be able to heal them from afar with her Physic Staff. Just a useful little tip if those Alster Armor Knights are giving you trouble.
 
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With two enemy Clerics around, this would normally be a good time for some Boss Abuse. But since we want to join up with Team Leonster, we'll have to save that for another time. Take out the Ballisticians, and move your main force toward Melgen Caslte.
 
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Once Ishtor is dead, he'll leave behind a Thoron Tome. Now, if only we had someone who could wield Thunder Magic...
 
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Then, we close off on some boring plot stuff that tells us what our next objective is. But we already know that: next stop, Leonster!

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Chapter 7, Part 3: Ares a Wonderful Thing to Breathe



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One dialog scene!
 
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Two dialog scenes!
 
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Three dialog scenes!
 
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Four dialog scenes!
 
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Five dialog scenes! (Also, an amusing text glitch)
 
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Six dialog scenes!
 
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Seven! Seven dialog scenes! Ah-Ah-Ah!
 
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Before we get things started, we've got a few errands to run at Melgen Castle.
 
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First, we're going to sell Seliph's Brave Sword so Ulster can buy it. Now both of Ayra's kids can be rape machines!
 
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Next, we'll have Shanan sell the Thoron Tome that Ishtor dropped, then do things to the Arena that are in direct violation of the Geneva Convention.
 
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While we're here, I might as well mention that there's a neat trick that allows Larcei or Ulster to wield the Balmung, but it only works if Holyn is their father. More details here.
 
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Finally, we'll have Fee get rid of her extra Shield Ring. We'll worry about who to buy it with later.
 
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During the previous cutscene, all the yellow Myrmidons will turn red. One of them got killed by Johan's counterattack in between dialog scenes. Either way, we can now move towards Alster Castle to help out Team Leonster.
 
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Speaking of Team Leonster, the previous cutscene will also cause the Armor Knights who've been harassing them for the past several turns to stop what they're doing and start heading towards our main force instead.
 
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But most importantly, Ares becomes controllable despite not interacting with any of our other units. Let's take a look at his stats...
 
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HOLY FUCK, look at that Skill! The Mystletainn increases it by 20 (again, in a game where everything but HP caps at 30). Be very glad that we never actually had to fight Eldigan back in chapter 3, or else we probably never would've made it. That +10 Resistance ain't too shabby, either.
 
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But not even Ares can take on that many foes by himself. We'll want to move him away until we can send backup.
 
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Funnily enough, it's entirely possible that ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN really did murder Eldigan back in chapter 3. But since doing so means that Raquesis can't get the Earth Sword, this almost never happens.
 
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Now we want to split into two teams. Alpha Team will head north towards Darna, while Gold Team will head east towards Alster. Just make absolutely sure that Arthur is on Gold Team.
 
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Next to Gold Team, you might have noticed three Mages with slightly different overworld sprites. BE VERY CAREFUL AROUND THEM! These three are Vampa, Fetra, and Eliu; the first of this game's incarnations of the Paola, Catria, and Est archetype. Yep, that's right. An archetype is being used by the villains in this game. And it's going to be used more than once! If all three of them manage to surround one of your units, they'll be able to do a Triangle Attack for a guaranteed crit. So, we'll want to move Gold Team back a bit, because there's also a fourth named character in that squad who'll be important.
 
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Meanwhile, at Alpha Team, Ares becomes the second character in this game to betray his father figure for some pussy.
 
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The first of the Mysteltn Mistolteen Vergil Sword's many victims.
 
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For killing Jabarro, Ares gains his first level-up: HP, Strength, Speed, and Defense. Jabarro also drops an extremely redundant Skill Ring, which we'll probably want to sell to someone who has trouble hitting things.
 
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With Alpha Team's biggest obstacle out of the way, let's turn our focus back on Gold Team. First thing's first, we want to kill those two Thunder Mages in front of Arthur.
 
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Next, we want to have Arthur talk to the third.
 
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With the Tilting siblings reunited, Tinny joins the party. We'll have to organize a shopping trip for her later.
 
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But first we'll want to get her the fuck away from here! She's at level 3, and the Triangle Attack sisters are in their early 20s!
 
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Fee defects from Alpha Team to help take care of our Mage problem...
 
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...while Team Leonster is absorbed into Gold Team.
 
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The Triangle Attack sisters may a threat together, but individually, they aren't too much of a problem for our Vergil Fighters. However, instead of dying, they teleport away, which means we'll have to deal with them again some other time.
 
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With them out of the picture, let's turn our focus back towards Alpha Team. (By the way, turns out I was wrong: you don't need to seize Alster Castle to stop the Armor Knights from spawning; you just need to recruit Tinny.)
 
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Since these Myrmidons are programmed to stay in this spot, we'll have Patty take them out with her Thunder Sword, since she needs all the EXP she can get. On the sidelines, you can see the beginnings of a few incest pairings that I'm trying to work on: Lester x Patty, and Ares x Nanna.
 
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Ares has a unique boss conversation with Bramsel.
 
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But you know what? Since Bramsel's only weapon is the melee-range Horseslayer, it's Boss Abuse time! Everyone with a projectile, make your way north to Darna!
 
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But first, a few plot-relevant conversations. Leif x Seliph...
 
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...and Tinny x Seliph, which introduces us to the beautifully melancholy track, Tinny's theme.
 
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First off on our Boss Abuse agenda is Patty, who had to stop prematurely due to lacking the funds to repair her Thunder Sword a third time. Next chapter for sure.
 
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Next up is Tinny, who became our first second-gen unit to promote despite being our most recent recruit. She inherited a Speed Ring from Tiltyu, but I replaced it with Fee's extra Shield Ring. Also, for some reason she couldn't wield Thoron until after she promoted, even though Tiltyu could wield it in her base class.
 
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Then we have Lester, who I might end up selling his Power Ring after all with a Strength Stat that high. I'll wait a few levels, though, to see what it's like without the +5 bonus.
 
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Like Patty, Leif also had to stop prematurely for financial reasons, but at least now he's slightly less shitty than in Thracia 776.
 
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Next we have Arthur, who I swear must have been responsible for over a hundred soft-resets due to accidentally getting a critical hit and killing the boss. Having Noishe for a father does that to people.
 
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Then there's Nanna, who was in the best financial shape to be our Staff-whore due to the small fortune she inherited from Raquesis.
 
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And finally, we have Fee. Insert Arthur's post-Boss Abuse description here, but replace "critical hit" with "Pursuit".
 
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Upon defeat, Bramsel will drop the Horseslayer. Not a bad weapon in its own right; it's just that all of our Lance users have much cooler toys to play with. It'll stay in the Pawn Shop for now until we find somebody who can put it to good use.
 
Before you scroll down, please turn your attention towards this music track for some more important backstory stuff.
 
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Much later in the game, we'll find out a bit more about these "gods".
 
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Oh shit, I forgot about her!

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Chapter 7, Part 4: Leen On Me



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First thing we wanna do is have Ares enter Darna Castle.
 
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"You just spent 1,000 turns Boss Abusing while I got repeatedly gang-raped in prison. Does it look like I'm alright?!"
 
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Anyway, meet our newest testicle receptacle, Sylvia's daughter, Leen. Stat-wise, she's not very good, but like I said before, the Dancer class is pretty good in this game, being like a cross between Olivia from Awakening and Rafiel from Radiant Dawn. As such, she's actually a decent candidate for the Leg Ring. Since she and her mother have Minor Blaggi blood, I might try to pair her up with Ulster since Claud is his father. But since the love points for this chapter stopped growing about 950 turns ago, it'll have to wait till next chapter.
 
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Her recruitment conversation isn't as memorable as Sylvia's, though.
 
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As Seliph and Leen make their painfully slow trek south to join up with Gold Team, here's a conversation between the spawn of the Brother Fucker that'll increase Nanna's Luck by a point. I forgot to show it off last episode.
 
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You've got it wrong, Delmud. Yied Desert is no place for anyone to be traveling alone, or in a group, or at all. Yied Desert is no place that anyone should ever consider going within a mile of. Yied Desert sucks, and should wiped from the face of the earth.
 
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Our current goal is to march towards Alster Castle, kick Blume's ass, and clear the chapter. However...
 
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...if we make a brief detour to the northeast, we can accomplish in a single chapter what it look Leif an entire game to do.
 
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To further insult Leif's competence, Seliph just brushes it off like it's no big deal. Because really, it isn't.
 
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To even further insult Leif, seizing it isn't even worth it, as all it has is a Weapon Repair shop. No Arena, no Fortune Teller, nothing.
 
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Now that that pointless waste of time is over, let's turn our attention back towards the task at hand. We'll start by having Leif and Patty take out the Generals with their magic swords.
 
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Mjolnir makes Blume a tough boss, but he does have a ton of unique boss conversations. Starting off with Tinny...
 
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...Arthur...
 
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...and Leif. Oddly enough, he doesn't have a unique boss conversation against Seliph, despite his family's grudge against ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN.
 
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And once again, the boss merely "retreats" instead of dying. Arvis must be playing on Casual mode.
 
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I honestly can't tell which was the bigger contributor towards that turn count: boss abusing against Bramsel, or moving through the desert. theydonothing;

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Chapter 8, Part 1: Faval Goes West


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Expository plot stuff, during which the new format I introduced last chapter comes back to bite me in the ass.
 
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We'll start off with some bad guy talk between people who should've died last chapter.
 
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Followed by the introduction to a new friend who we'll be meeting up with soon.
 
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And an excuse to share a pretty badass music track, Travant's theme.
 
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Along with some shit nobody cares about.
 
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And once again, Team Leonster starts out in a separate castle so they can't use the Arena without wasting a turn.
 
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The good news is that Seliph promoted thanks to the Arena, and he now truly is the second coming of ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN! Now that he no longer needs the Paragon Ring, we'll have to find someone else who needs it.
 
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Followed by Patty.
 
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Worth noting is that Seliph is the only unit in this game who can dismount, even though there's absolutely no use for this feature other than negating the bonus damage from Horseslayers. According to an old developer interview, the reason they did this is because they feared that female players wouldn't want to promote Seliph if they couldn't stare at his legs during his combat animations. No, seriously. Look it up. theydonothing;
 
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Julia can talk to Seliph to increase his Luck by one point. Oddly enough, Deirdre's theme plays during this conversation instead of Julia's.
 
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After that, Arthur can talk to Fee to increase her HP by 3, gain 100 love points, and play a nice little music track.
 
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Hey look, Chagall's back! And he's just as obsessed with decapitation as ever.
 
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Oh shit, Chagall is Muhammed now?! I hope a bunch of pissed-off Muslims don't kill me for showing a screenshot of his face... (EDITOR'S NOTE: Bad joke. I apologize.)
 
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For viewing this conversation, Leif's Strength will increase by 3. Would've been nice if his best weapon weren't a magical sword.
 
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Muhammed surrounds himself with Mages and Armor Knights, so we'll want to approach him with our own Mages, as well as anyone wielding an Armorslayer or a magic sword.
 
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ALLAHU AKBAR!
 
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While that's going on, we'll park Team Leonster in these woods so they can ambush Ovo and his Lance Knights.
 
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Once we give Muhammed his 72 virgins in the afterlife, we'll pick off any remaining members of Al Qaeda, then turn our attention north towards Team Leonster.
 
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Who's this guy?
 
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Remember the Triangle sisters from last chapter? Well, they're back, and this time they're packing Leg Rings!
 
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And, of course, there's also a few Bandits running around that we need to worry about.
 
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For the first time in this LP, the "guard" command is actually useful. By parking Finn at Leonster Castle, he's able to fend off attacks from the opposing Lance Knights...
 
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...while Ares eliminates Ovo's leadership stars. This will make the Lance Knights easier to deal with for our main battalion coming up from the south.
 
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Uh-oh...
 
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After killing both Ovo and Muhammed, Ishtar enters the battlefield. Now, at first you might be shitting herself because her stats are simply terrifying. Well, they are, but thankfully we don't have to worry about that right now. You'll see why in a little bit.
 
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Once the Lance Knights are gone, all that's left are the Troubadours. We'll feed them to Leif since he still needs to catch up level-wise.
 
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Once our Vergil Fighters take out the Triangle sisters (one of whom was stupid enough to attack Shanan at melee range y; )...
 
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...we want to move Patty a bit to the east so she can intercept that blonde Archer guy from a few cutscenes ago.
 
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And with that, we recruit Briggid's son, Faval. A tad underleveled, but nothing that a little Arena abuse with the Yewfelle can't fix. Anyway, much like Ayra's kids, Faval inherits everything he needs from his mother, with most of Briggid's potential husbands being ranked based on what they can offer to Patty. Pairing Briggid with Dew is nice for giving Faval the Bargain skill to make fixing the Yewfelle less expensive, but other than that, I usually pair her with Holyn since Patty wants his Strength modifier. For this Down's Syndrome run, I paired Briggid with Azel since not only is a good Magic modifier useless on an Archer (as a certain character from Thracia 776 found out the hard way), but also because Azel passes down a redundant Pursuit skill that Faval already gets anyway.
 
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And now, I'm going to leave Patty, Faval, and Fee trapped in the middle of Ishtar's path of destruction!
 
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Well, that was stupid. theydonothing;  *soft-resets*
 
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Okay, new plan: This time I move Patty back a bit so that Faval and Ishtar move toward her and the Vergil Fighters, then recruit Faval, and then have Shanan move in and take out Ishtar in a single hit.
 
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Now, what I was trying to do was to activate this cutscene, which is accompanied by this haunting music track. For some reason I thought it would happen automatically after a certain turn passed... Well, the important thing is that Ishtar is gone, and she's taken the Mjolnir with her.
 
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Yet another boring recruitment conversation. Now, I'll be trying to pair Faval with Lana since they're cousins, but because she was already in love with Seliph at the start of this chapter, there's a chance it might not work out.
 
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Meanwhile, Fee just barely manages to save the village.
 
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That's one incest pairing down...
 
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Before we move on, I'd like to do a bit of shopping at Leonster Castle.
 
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Our first errand is for Faval to slaughter the Arena in one go.
 
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Followed by selling his Silver Bow to Lester, and buying a Speed Ring for Delmud. Off-screen, I visited both the nearby villages with Julia. Since she won't be able to fight in the arena until she promotes, she'll need all the money she can get to keep her Mend Staff in good condition.
 
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One of them gave her another Power Ring, which we don't currently have anyone who could use it, but still provides a nice boost to Julia's funds.
 
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I also did some Staff abuse with Nanna, which caused her to become our first second-gen unit to hit the level cap. Here are her final stats.
 
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Sorry, Faval. I tried... :(
 
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Once we're ready, let's move our army westward towards Conote Castle. We'll start by feeding these Armor Knights to Leif. Their leader will drop a Brave Bow, which we'll give to Lester on our next shopping trip.
 
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Behind the Armor Knights are a trio of Mages. They'll try to snipe you with Bolting, but with so many healers on our team, they shouldn't cause too much of a problem unless they decide to gang up on someone with low Resistance.
 
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With Mjolnir in the hands of his runaway daughter, Blume is significantly less tough than he was last chapter. The thing you have to watch out for is his Bolting.
 
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Conote Castle is guarded by three Generals. Again, we'll feed them to Leaf, with Fee healing off any Bolting damage he takes from Blume.
 
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While that's going on, Johan successfully completes his transformation into Lex 2.0.
 
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Not sure why it took two and a half chapters, but Lana also promotes.
 
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As does Julia, who can now finally earn her own money without having to rely on Patty as her lesbian sugar momma.
 
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Once our three new promotes finish their painfully-slow trek back toward Conote, we can finally turn our attention towards Blume. This time, he does have a unique boss conversation with Seliph...
 
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...as well as a new one with Faval.
 
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Once Blume keels over, we seize Conote and listen to some boring plot stuff.

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Chapter 8, Part 2: That's What She Ced



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Once Conote Castle is under our control, Nanna can talk to Ares for some important backstory stuff, as well as increasing her own Defense by 2 points. Not that she really needs it with Arden as her father, but it's nice to have anyway. While we're here, let's talk about the Nordion family. In-game, Eldigan's wife Grahnye is largely a background character who's only mentioned in passing. She didn't even have a name until the release of some artbook a decade later. But in the manga... HOO boy. She was re-written into a spiteful yandere who was jealous of Eldigan's close relationship with Raquesis, and only allowed her to go off with Sigurd purely because she hoped she would die in battle. In other words, the author of the manga completely derailed an entire character into an unlikeable bitch, purely so that Eldigan x Raquesis would look better. But wait, there's more! In the original draft of the game's storyline, Raquesis was going to be the mother of Eldigan's son Ares. Just let that sink in for a moment.  theydonothing;
 
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Who's this semen demon?
 
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It appears that the seventeen-year timeskip caused Travant to lose his New York mobster accent.
 
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Hey, it's that guy from last episode's intro!
 
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But since he's green, we'll have to rush Seliph down to talk to him before he pulls a Pent. There's also a flock of juicy Civilians to rescue for free level-ups.
 
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Along with yet another pair of Pirates who choose to ignore the wide-open villages until a certain turn count. y;
 
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First up, we'll have Leif drop off the Brave Bow that he got last episode so Lester can pick it up.
 
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Next, we'll send Fee down south to save those two villages.
 
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For the Civilians, we'll want to focus on our units who haven't promoted yet. I bought Julia a Return Staff last episode so she can easily send anyone who hits level 20 back to the Home Castle so they can promote.
 
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Once the Civilians are safe, we'll send our cavalry after the Wyvern Knights to the west while Seliph talks to that green-haired guy from earlier.
 
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And with that, we've recruited Ferry's son, Ced. In a normal playthrough, if you paired Ferry with Lewyn, Ced would have the Forseti tome with him. But since Midayle is his father in this run, he instead joins with a Lightning Tome that I actually want to give to Julia.
 
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ALTENA'S A GUY?! omg;  I don't know if this a quirk in the current translation patch or what, but either way xhe will not attack us, leaving us with one less enemy to worry about.
 
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Of course, Leif doesn't gain the ability to Staff Abuse until he doesn't need it anymore... but then again, he is the nephew of ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN, so we'll cut him a break.
 
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Once Fee is done with her village-saving errand, she can talk to Ced to give him a point of Luck. Once again, the dialog is written in a way that only makes sense if Lewyn is their father. smirk1; Off-screen, I took Leen to the Pawn Shop and bought her the Leg Ring.
 
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Once we're ready, we'll head south towards our next objective: Mease Castle.
 
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In addition to another squad of Wyvern Knights, Mease Castle is also guarded by some Ballisticians who should be easy pickings for anyone who wasn't able to promote off of the Civilians from earlier. Just keep Fee away from them and you should be fine.
 
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Speaking of promotions...
 
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With all the Wyvern Knights and Ballisticians dead, I'll take this opportunity to boss abuse just long enough to promote anyone who hasn't already done so.
 
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First up is Faval, who was responsible for a few soft-resets due to getting killed by Maikov's Killer Bow.
 
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Followed by Ulster, who still can't use the Valkyrie Staff he inherited from Claud. theydonothing;
 
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Finally, we have Larcei, who had to make a brief detour to Manster to buy an Iron Sword just so she wouldn't kill Maikov with her Brave one. This leaves Delmud as our last unpromoted unit, who I had to skip because he's too stupid to land a hit on the boss.
 
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In the midst of the ensuing Staff Abuse, Tinny and Julia hit the level cap. Here are their final stats.
 
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Maikov drops an awesome Killer Bow upon defeat, but both of our Archers either already have the equally-awesome Brave Bow, or are Faval. Therefore, the only other person who can wield the Killer Bow without wasting it is Leif, who I end up feeding the kill to.
 
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You've got that right, Seliph. I've seen Trainees pose a bigger threat than they did. theydonothing;
 
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"...if you know what I mean." coolkong;
 
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TL;DR: Travant is our Michalis archetype.
 
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And, of course, while all that Boss Abuse and boring plot stuff was going on, Altena just sat there on xir ass doing absofuckinglutely nothing. theydonothing;

 

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@Reilly:

I…I don't understand…

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@Iridium:
>wanting a genderfluid character to obey your strict and oppressive binary system
 
stop triggering me

 

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Chapter 9, Part 1: Travant Touchdown


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Plot stuff that may or may not be expository in nature.
 
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We open the chapter with a touching moment between the Thracian royal family.
 
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Followed by Travant being an asshole.
 
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I liked him a lot better when he had a New York mobster accent.
 
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This guy's name is Judah. Iridium will be facing him soon in his Gaiden thread.
 
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Awww, they changed it in this patch! kcry;  The old version of this scene was way better.
 
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Believe it or not, viewing this conversation is actually required in order to recruit Altena later in the chapter. So, if either Finn or Leif were dead when you cleared Chapter 8, you're fucked. Even if you have the Valkyrie Staff, they both need to be alive when you start Chapter 9.
 
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Aside from the usual start-of-chapter Arena abuse, I also bought Ares the Thief Ring, which Fee got from one of last chapter's villages. It allows the wearer to steal gold from whoever they hit, as if they were a Thief. Since Shanan has the Bargain Ring, I gave the Thief Ring to Ares since he'll need all the gold he can get to keep the Mystletainn in good shape.
 
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There's also the Thief Sword from earlier, which does the exact same thing. I'll give this to Delmud since he's currently our only unpromoted unit, so he can eventually buy the Paragon Ring to help him catch up.
 
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This conversation will boost Patty's Luck by a point.
 
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"No, not dead. Just a Jeigan Swordmaster with amnesia."
 
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"...oh. Well then..."
 
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Now that all but one of our units have promoted, it's finally time for Oifey to see some action! He and his manly 'stache are going out to the frontlines while Tinny stays behind to guard the Home Castle this time.
 
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This scene is basically telling you not to attack the Armor Knights surrounding Kapothogia Castle. However, they'll still come after you if you move within their attack range, and promptly get countered to death. It kinda sucks.
 
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This is your signal to leave Leif behind close to the Home Castle.
 
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And this is your cue to send your main force to Luthecia Castle, a bit further to the west of Kapothogia.
 
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And, of course, another Bandit for Fee to worry about. Fortunately, starting next chapter, we'll have someone else to lend Fee a hand in Bandit extermination.
 
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Believe it or not, Echidna wasn't the first female Hero in the series. That title belongs to this generic unnamed enemy hanging out with the aforementioned Bandit.
 
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Apparently, Altena's Wyvern Knights are also programmed to attack you if you happen to fall between their movement range and the Home Castle. That's... not good.
 
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A few soft-resets later, I devise a new strategy: send Fee after the Bandit, Leif after Altena, and everyone else stay put right here.
 
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Once Altena draws close enough, pick off any Wyvern Knights in Leif's path, then have him talk to her to let her know that she truly is the niece of ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAIN. This will remove her from the battlefield, but any remaining Wyvern Knights will still be left behind for you to fight.
 
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This will also enable us to see yet another touching moment between the Thracian royal family.
 
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On the following turn, Hannibal will cut out all the bullshit and start charging toward the Home Castle. Don't worry, I've got a plan for dealing with him.
 
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More importantly, Travant will take Altena's place. Be prepared for a confrontation. Travant is equipped with a Power Ring and a Silver Lance, and has the Pursuit, Nihil, and Vantage skills. This means that he's unaffected by attacks that are normally super-effective against Wyvern Knights, such as Bows, Wind Magic, or the Wing Clipper.
 
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Meanwhile, Fee hits the level cap by finishing off the Bandit and the three Heroes. Here are her final stats.
 
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Of course, I wouldn't dream of leaving out two of the most awesome, revenge-filled boss conversations in the game: Travant vs Leif...
 
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...and Travant vs Finn.
 
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After weakening Travant a bit more, I give the kill to the one who deserves it most.
 
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FINISH HIM!
 
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LEIF WINS! FATALITY!
 
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After Travant dies, this cutscene will play, and Altena will re-enter the battlefield as a red unit. But she'll turn blue soon enough.
 
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Now to do something about Hannibal. First, we'll take out as many of his minions as we can, except for this Hi Priest.
 
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Next, we'll use Leif, Lester, Patty, and Faval to build a human cage around him, like so. Make sure Leif has the Killer Bow equipped, and Patty the Sleep Sword.
 
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Then, we'll have Patty attack Hannibal with the Sleep Sword until it activates. Don't worry if she causes too much damage to him; the Hi Priest I mentioned earlier will use his Fortify Staff to keep him alive.
 
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With Hannibal asleep, we can now move our units (minus the human cage, in case Hannibal wakes up) to the west towards Luthecia Castle. Along the way, Altena will go after Seliph, but won't attack him. This will allow Seliph to talk to her.
 
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And with that, we've finally recruited this game's Minerva archetype! Altena wields the mighty Gay Borg, but for some reason doesn't come with the Pursuit skill. We'll have to give her the Pursuit Ring when we get the chance.
 
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Speaking of Rings, Delmud and Patty stole enough money for Delmud to afford the Paragon Ring. Hopefully he'll be promoting soon.
 
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After a painfully slow trip to Luthecia Castle, we'll have Delmud do some boss abuse so he can promote, and send Altena towards those villages from earlier so she can collect enough Gold to buy the Pursuit Ring.
 
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Also, apparently Hannibal won't attack you, even if you don't put him to sleep. This means that we can safely kill the Hi Priest to pick up his highly-sought-after Fortify Staff. After that's done, we send Ulster and Arthur to the Pawn Shop to drop off the Fortify Staff and the Pursuit Ring, then send everybody else towards our main force at Luthecia Castle. We'll leave the human cage here for now, as I don't want to risk Hannibal doing something stupid.
 
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In addition to Gold, this village also gives Altena a Barrier Ring, which I'll let her keep since her resistance is dildos.
 
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While Delmud is Boss Abusing, the resultant Staff Abuse causes Lana to hit the level cap. Here are her final stats.
 
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Alas, the villages don't give quite enough money for the Pursuit Ring, so I'll have to send Altena to the Arena off-screen.
 
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That's two incest pairings down...
 
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...and three...
 
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...and four!
 
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About damn time.
 
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After Delmud's promotion, Disler is slain by Oifey's mustache.
 
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After another amusing typo, we've recruited Corple, but his introduction will have to wait until next episode because I've been working on this one since 8pm last night and just want it to be done already.

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Chapter 9, Part 2: Hannibal Holocaust



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As I was about to say, meet our final child unit, Sylvia's son Corple. If you paired Sylvia with Lewyn, he'd have the Forseti tome, but be unable to use it until he promoted, making him a textbook example of the Est archetype. Alternately, if you paired Sylvia with Claude, he'd have the Valkyrie Staff, just in time for a situation coming up next chapter where it'd actually be useful. But with anyone else as his father? Corple is... just another healer. If Sylvia died childless, Corple would be replaced with Sharlow, who not only comes with the Paragon skill, but can also get the otherwise-unobtainable Berserk Staff. Most players tend to find Sharlow better, and I'm inclined to agree. But I usually go with Claude as his father just in case I ever need to use the Valkyrie Staff.
 
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First off, we're going to have Julia use her Return Staff to send him home.
 
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Then we'll have Corple talk to Hannibal to recruit him to our side.
 
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Doing so will cause Kapathogia Castle to automatically fall under our control. Kapathogia? More like Coprophagia.
 
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Other than being our final party member and this game's Lorenz archetype, there's really not much to say about Hannibal. He comes with an extra Wingslayer, has decent stats, and the Vantage, Adept, and Greatshield skills. But much like Arden, his abysmal movement range limits his usefulness outside of Home Castle guard duty.
 
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After Hannibal is recruited, Judah will strengthen the defenses around Grutia Castle...
 
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...and call for reinforcements from the north.
 
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Since Corple and Ced are currently our only Staff users who haven't hit the level cap, I sold Fee and Lana's Heal Staffs so they could pick them up.
 
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This conversation will increase Corple's Luck by a point. Despite apparently being unaware that they're siblings, Corple and Leen cannot fall in love with each other, which is an extremely rare occurrence in this series.
 
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As we move our army north to deal with Judah's reinforcements, we might as well view the final recruitment conversation in the game, and listen to an awesome music track.
 
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The reinforcements are pretty tough. All they've got are Silver weapons. The female Paladins also have Mend Staffs in case you want to do some more Boss Abuse, but I don't really need to at this point. Try to play defensively, and take advantage of anyone with a ranged attack.
 
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The mini-boss, Musar, drops the A-ranked Wind Tome, Tornado, which only Leif can wield in this Down's Syndrome playthrough.
 
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Just for lulz, this is what a full Home Castle looks like.
 
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As we head south, Grutia Castle is guarded by a fuckload of Ballisticians, while Judah will try to snipe you with his Fenrir Tome.
 
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First, we'll fulfill the second word in this episode's title by having Altena take the Gay Borg for a test drive (with a little help from Leen). (EDITOR'S NOTE: In my past self's defense, the episode's title is supposed to be a pun on an old B-movie. However, the part apart fulfilling the title by killing a boss named Judah is not only in bad taste, but also doesn't really work as a pun anymore because the Gaiden boss that he shares his name with has been officially localized as "Jedah".)
 
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Next, we'll treat Hannibal to an all-you-can-eat Ballistician buffet. Since he won't be seeing much action on the frontlines, he needs the EXP the most.
 
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While this is going on, we'll have Corple heal off any damage his adopted father takes from the Ballisticians, since they're positioned far enough apart to cover each other's blind spots.
 
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Finally, we'll squish the rest of our army together up against this little fence thing, and finish off the episode by having Seliph seize Grutia Castle. Also, Leen finally hit level 30, but who gives a shit? She's a Dancer.
 
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Plot stuff that may or may not be boring in nature.

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Chapter 9, Part 3: Thracia? More Like Thrash Ya!



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After Grutia Castle is conquered, either Hannibal or Finn can talk to Altena to increase her HP by 3. You can normally only view one conversation, but through the magic of save states, I'll be showing both.
 
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Personally, I like Finn's a lot better.
 
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Julia can also talk to Seliph to increase his Resistance by 3.
 
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What Arion actually meant was "Four-Headed Dragon" assault. He'll enter the battlefield accompanied by four squads of Wyvern Knights. The unpromoted ones all have only Javelins, while the Captains have Brave Lances. One squad will come after our army, one will try to reclaim Coprophagia and Luthecia Castles, one will stay behind to guard Thracia Castle, and one will fly off toward the Home Castle. This is bad news bears.
 
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First priority: have Julia use the Return Staff to send as many units as she can back to the Home Castle, especially our Bow-users. Have Leen dance for her to speed up this process.
 
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Second priority: make sure all our Holy weapons are in tip-top shape, and stock the fuck up on weapons that are strong against Wyvern Knights. Bows, Wind Magic, Wing Clippers, Ice-type Pokémon, whatever you can get your hands on. Try to spread the equipment out evenly among your party, so that nobody is holding two Wyvern-slaying weapons. That way, as many people as possible will be prepared.
 
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Third priority: use a Warp Staff to send people off to guard the various castles that we've conquered. There's no penalty for losing them, but we might as well take out the Wyvern Knights by having them commit sudoku against our specially-equipped units, in addition to chasing them down.
 
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Wyvern Knight Squad Alpha, at the Home Castle. Weakened, but not wiped out, by three Bow-users, two Holy weapons, and a Wind-wielding Hi Priestess.
 
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Wyvern Knight Squad Gamma, en route to Luthecia Castle. Severely crippled when their Captain decided to abandon his troops and tried to fight Altena and Fee instead. Said Captain then proceded to get his head impaled upon a lance named after a homosexual robot. His troops subsequently decided to ignore Lutecia Castle and go after Grutia instead. Unfortunately for them, Grutia just so happens to be where the majority of our army is located. Squad Gamma did not survive the next turn.
 
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Wyvern Knight Squad Omega, at Coprophagia Castle. Managed to pluck a few hairs from Oifey's manly 'stache by spamming Javelins at him, but oddly decided not to attack him directly. This allowed Oifey to take one of them out with the Wing Clipper and the charge command, but tragically perish in the process.
 
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After a soft-reset, Oifey is saved via Warping Shanan, Ced, and Delmud over to Coprophagia Castle to assist him. The only other difference in this timeline is that Wyvern Knight Squad Alpha was successfully wiped out, rather than merely weakened.
 
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Also, Altena promotes because apparently Wyvern is a three-tier class in this game (Rider --> Knight --> Lord).
 
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Once Wyvern Knight Squads Alpha, Beta, and Gamma are dead, our units will go on a painfully-slow trek to regroup with our main battalion, so we can finally march to the east to take on Wyvern Knight Squad Epsilon. Once you're ready, move everyone just one square out of their movement range.
 
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Statistically speaking, Wyvern Knight Squad Epsilon isn't as strong as Musar's reinforcements from last episode. The thing that makes them dangerous is that some of them are equipped with Sleep Swords, along with Arion having five leadership stars, stats that look like this, and the same Skill set as his father.
 
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Try to focus on killing the Wyvern Knights that are between you and Arion, with priority going to the ones with Sleep Swords. Above all else, try to stay out of Arion's attack range.
 
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Arion has a unique boss conversation with Altena, which took me about eleven tries to upload to Imgur for some reason. As for Arion himself, the Nihil skill may protect him from Wyvern-slaying weapons, but he still suffers from shitty resistance. And since Gungnir only has one range, we can have our Mages tear off chunks of his HP until one of our melee units can finish him off, taking his useful Miracle Ring.
 
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However, just like Ishtar before him, Arion will not die, but instead be teleported away by this mysterious red-haired guy with a creepy theme song.
 
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With Arion's leadership stars gone, the remaining Wyvern Knights are a joke. So we finish them off, and have Corple heal off any injuries, earning a few disappointing level-ups. Corple? More like Cripple. Anyway, before you scroll down, it's time for some plot stuff, so make sure you have Lewyn Speaks playing in the background.
 
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As we end things off, you know what I just realized? I just went for two whole episodes without saying "ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN". Oh wait... I just said it, didn't I?

 

And with that, the three-chapter-long-in-a-twelve-chapter-game Thracia arc is finally over. Man, it's almost as if they wanted to make an entire game about that damn place...

 

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Third priority: use a Warp Staff to send people off to guard the various castles that we've conquered. There's no penalty for losing them, but we might as well take out the Wyvern Knights by having them commit sudoku against our specially-equipped units, in addition to chasing them down.

@Reilly:

Because nothing kills Wyvern Knights faster than forcing them to do math puzzles, right?

 

Oof, looking at the thread on NS2, it looks like Chapter 10 is when Imgur really started to shit the bed. I'd hoped to have this archive finished before I left for SacAnime on Friday, but with so many broken images, that's easier said than done.

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Chapter 10, Part 1: Julia's Seizure



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After you read the expository plot stuff, open a new tab to hear a track that I wish I'd shown you back before I started sharing music in this thread: Manfroy's theme.
 
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We'll start with some plot stuff about the Child Hunts...
 
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Followed by a conversation between Ishtar and a sprite edit of the mini-boss from Chapter 4.
 
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Add in some setup for our first objective.
 
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"Not that they actually care about well-being, mind you; but because we'll give them free level-ups!"
 
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Some bad guy talk for good measure.
 
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Somehow, Julia's kidnapping scene manages to be even sillier than Deirdre's. At least Deirdre was kidnapped in the middle of the chapter, when the rest of your army could reasonably be expected to be elsewhere, and was actually shown via overworld sprites on the map. Julia, however, is taken during an introductory cutscene, from the Home Castle, where your entire army is guaranteed to be stationed.
 
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"...but first, let's go SHOPPING!"
 
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What's one of the founders of Elibe doing in a Jugdrali gladiator arena? Your guess is as good as mine.
 
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Among all the Staffs, Rings, and A-rank weapons to shuffle around, the most important is to ensure that Corple gets the Paragon Ring. However, since he can't fight in the Arena to earn enough money for it, Patty had to waste her turn giving it to him.
 
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After we're done shopping, we can view a few conversations to increase Shanan's HP by 3...
 
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...and Altena's Luck by 1.
 
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As we go after this first batch of Dark Mages, let me introduce you to this chapter's map theme. Most of you might recognize it from Awakening's Infinite Regalia DLC, but more seasoned Fire Emblem fans will remember it for this remix that plays during Path of Radance's Trial Maps.
 
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These Dark Mages are jerks. When they're not putting you to sleep, they'll try to reduce your HP to 1 by throwing the opening cutscene at you! Luckily, they have shit for Defense, so just beat them to death with your strongest physical fighters, and you should be good to go.
 
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Their leader is unarmed except for a Fortify Staff, so we'll feed him to Hannibal so he can collect the Barrier Ring.
 
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Our next goal is to rescue these children for free level-ups, along with taking out any Pirates we encounter along the way.
 
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While this is going on, Ridale and his squad will march forward to try to kill the children, while some more Pirates will attack villages that we have no way of reaching yet.
 
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Since the Pirates mean that we can't afford to waste time Boss Abusing, we'll have to fight Hilda and Ridale simultaneously. Despite being a sprite edit of Lamia, Hilda actually has her own unique class, Queen.
 
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She also has a unique boss conversation with Tinny (but oddly enough, not with Arthur). I think she might also have one with Finn if you somehow managed to pair him with Tiltyu, but good luck trying to verify that. theydonothing;
 
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And just like practically every other fucking boss in the second generation, she retreats instead of dying so we have to fight her twice. On the bright side, she drops the awesome-looking Bolganone Tome (which, once again, only Leif can wield in this Down's Syndrome Run). However, this time I actually can't just end the episode by seizing the castle after beating the boss, because these goddamned trees are fucking up Seliph's movement range.
 
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As for the other boss, Ridale is packing a Power Ring and a Brave Sword, but otherwise isn't as much of a threat by himself as his minions are under his leadership stars. Just whittle him down with an Archer or a Mage, then finish him off.
 
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From there, it's just a matter of mopping up Ridale's remaining flunkies, moving everybody the fuck over to the west to take out another Pirate, and then having Seliph seize Cronos Castle.
 
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"...and we'll want to do that soon, before those villages get butt-fucked into oblivion by that Pirate over there."

 

Technically I probably could've squeezed Rados Castle into this episode if I really wanted to, but I'd much rather end this on a semi-cliffhanger. educate;

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Chapter 10, Part 2: Not Quite YRP



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After seizing Cronos Castle, we can view this conversation to get some backstory stuff, listen to Seliph's theme again, and increase Oifey's HP by 3.
 
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First thing's first: take out the Pirate and visit the village. Nanna can keep the Magic Ring for now, but later we'll want to sell it to one of our Mages.
 
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Being a palette-swap of Bramsel (and, by extension, of an Augustrian Noble), Morrigan is nowhere near as threatening nor as sexy as the succubus who shares his name. But since he has a long-range Fenrir Tome, we'll want to take him out quickly. His three Dark Mage flunkies are equally nonthreatening, possessing HP-to-1 Hel Tomes, but not enough Skill to land any hits on our more agile fighters.
 
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Once they're dead, move Seliph towards Rados Castle to seize it, and everyone else up against this little fence thingy.
 
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Welp, we've seized the castle. Time to call it an episo-wait a minute... That music... could it be...?
 
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The dastard himself makes his first appearance since the expository plot stuff from Chapter 6. But what's this? The music's changing again...
 
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It's our old pal Manfroy, back with some more exposition!
 
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With that, we've finally hit 2,000 images! But this is no time to celebrate! Julius and Ishtar have entered the battlefield, and will not leave until they either kill one of our party members, or one of them is defeated. Remember back when we recruited Corple and I said there was a specific situation in which the Valkyrie Staff would be useful? Well, this is what I was talking about. Now, despite his pants-shittingly terrifying stats, it is possible to defeat Julius at this point in the game via a specific strategy. But since my army is intentionally stupid, that leaves Ishtar as our target.
 
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But first, with the invisible yellow barrier gone, we can send Altena and Fee after that Pirate.
 
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The previous cutscene will spawn a metric fuckload of Dark Mages equipped with Sleep Staffs and Fenrir Tomes, along with a few Heroes and Warriors to slow us down. We'll want to take out as many of them as we can before Julius and Ishtar get too close.
 
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Once Fee and Altena have killed the Pirate, have them join the rest of your team in taking out the Dark Mages. Don't worry about visiting the villages; there'll be plenty of time for that later. Julius and Ishtar won't come after you unless you step into their movement range. Therefore, rather than waste uses of your Restore Staff, it might be worth your time to just wait for any units who got put to sleep to wake up automatically after a few turns.
 
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After very carefully taking out the remainder of the Dark Mages in front of Miletos Castle, we'll very carefully send Altena and Fee to take out the two behind it. If the invisible yellow barrier were just a single tile lower, this entire plan would fall apart.
 
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Once our fliers complete their assassination mission, now would be a good time for Corple to visit these two villages. After buying the Paragon Ring, he'll need all the gold he can get to repair his Staffs.
 
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Once we're ready, we'll arrange our four Holy weapon users in a pattern like so, have Leen dance for them, and say a prayer to Anna.
 
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Praise be to Anna, for She is bountiful! After Ishtar faints, she drops the Renewal Ring. Not that Shanan needs it, but someone else might. Armed only with a Jormung Tome and a Physic Staff, Zaggam shall be our final victim of Boss Abuse. I'll try to focus on maxing out anyone who wields something that's not a Holy or Brave weapon. Their final stats will be shown at a later date.
 
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I'll still show Corple's promotion, though, and rejoice at the fact that never again will anyone have to make a painfully-slow trek back to the Home Castle in the middle of a fight!
 
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One feature of this game that I've been meaning to show off for a long time is that if you place a unit next to either their spouse or their sibling, and have them initiate an attack, you have a small chance of seeing two little hearts pop out of their overworld sprites, and the attack will be a guaranteed crit. I could've shown this off all the way back in the Prologue by placing Ethlyn next to either Quan or ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN, but was unable to pause my emulator at exactly the right moment until now. Anyway, once we put this Sandima recolor out of his misery, only two of our units have yet to hit the level cap: Johan, whose resistance was too low to survive getting doubled by Zaggam's Jormung Tome, and Seliph, whose Silver Sword now has such a high crit rate that it was literally impossible for him to attack Zaggam without killing him. Fortunately for both of them, next episode will provide a golden opportunity for them to finish up.
 
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Next time: we avenge Sigurd's death!

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Chapter 10, Part 3: Hello. My Name is Seliph of Chalphy. You Killed my Father. Prepare to Die.



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After seizing Miletos Castle, Corple can talk to Altena to increase her resistance by 5.
 
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Meanwhile, at Chalphy Castle, we see the closest thing Arvis will ever get to father-daughter bonding time. But just before Julia escapes, an all-too familiar music track starts to play...
 
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With that, we have our next objective: we're to punch as big of a hole as we can through the Roten Ritter, and have Seliph and Johan rush over to the east to rescue the children. By the way, if you try to get a head start by parking Altena and Fee on the water tiles beneath the invisible yellow barrier on the previous turn, all you'll get for your effort is a few arrows to the face. I found this out the hard way, but fortunately my fliers were beefy enough to survive.
 
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After healing off the damage taken from the aforementioned arrows, our fliers will be sent after those Dark Mages to buy some more time for Seliph and Johan. The rest of our units will break their way through with weapons that are strong against Armor Knights and horseback riders. Try to take out the Bishop as soon as you can, as he has a Sleep Staff.
 
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Watch out for the Fire Mages surrounding Chalphy Castle. They're equipped with Meteor Tomes that'll spell disaster for any low-Resistance units unfortunate enough to be caught in their attack range. Try to rush in and one-shot them with your cavalry. The ones up against the castle will be a bit tougher to hit due to Arvis's leadership stars.
 
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Once the Dark Mages are gone, there are exactly enough children for Johan to reach the level cap. Also, if you don't feel like wasting uses on your Heal Staffs, just move your wounded units within Palmark's movement range, and he'll heal them for you. Once you're done, move Seliph over to Palmark and talk to him.
 
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Since Seliph will be using the Tyrfing for pretty much the remainder of the game, let's take one final look at the Silver Sword that has faithfully served us throughout both halves of this entire adventure. All 87 of those kills were well-earned.
 
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Do you notice anything familiar about this castle? If not, you will in due time. Either way, our final opponent is none other than ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN's killer himself, Emperor Arvis. All I can say is... Let the music play!
 
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Arvis's unique Emperor class is basically a Baron on steroids. Even without the bonuses from Valflame, all of his stats except for Strength and Luck are capped. On top of this, his Nihil skill renders him immune to Armorslayers, so don't even try it. The only way to survive even a single round of combat against him is to wield a Holy weapon and pray. On a sidenote, he also has a Silver Sword on him, just like the one he gave to Sigurd 20 years ago. Even though he never uses it, it's a nice little detail to remind us of just how far we've come.
 
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After a turn or two of wearing him down with Shanan or Ares, move Seliph in to see his only unique boss conversation. And oh, what a unique boss conversation it is!
 
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Even at level 30, Seliph will have a bit of a tough time landing a hit on Arvis. If necessary, you could try placing Raquesis's children next to him, as they both have the Charm skill. Whatever your strategy is, just make absolutely certain that Seliph is the one to land the final blow. But before you seize Chalphy Castle, have Seliph wait on this tile, open this tab, and prepare for one of my all-time favorite scenes in gaming history.
 
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With the Renewal Ring in tow, move Seliph back up to Chalphy Castle and seize it.
 
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Lewyn's right. Next time: the final battle begins!

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Endgame, Part 1: Ed, Edd n Edda



Of course, the final expository plot stuff in the game plays a different song than the previous five chapters.
 
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The expository plot stuff's time is almost up, but it has a message for you: "Thank you for taking the time out to pay attention to me over this past month! The expository plot stuff loves you!"
 
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We begin the Endgame with some bad guy talk among Julius, Manfroy, and that guy from way back in Chapter 2 who told us Prince Kurth's backstory.
 
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Followed by backstory stuff that strongly implies what the designer's notes would later confirm: Loptyr was originally an Earth Dragon from Archanea, under the same tribe as Medeus.
 
Now, before we begin, lets take a look at the final stats of our army, after one final start-of-chapter shopping spree:
 
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Starting off, the three veterans from the first generation, even though only one of them was actually playable: Shanan (which is a girl's name), Oifey the Manly 'Stache, and Finn the Human. Since Seliph no longer needs the Silver Sword, I gave it to Oifey since he's the one in our army with the closest personal connection with ZIGLUDO-CHAN-SAN-SAMA-SENPAI-SAN-SAMA-SAN-SENPAI-CHAN.
 
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Followed by the extended family members of some old friends: Johan the Yogurt Prince, nephew of Lex, and Ares the Black Knight, son of Eldigan.
 
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Also Hannibal, the odd man out.
 
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Next, I'll be showing off each brother-sister pair, along with comparisons to the final stats of their parents. First up are Corple the Cripple and Leen the Slut, children of Sylvia and Jamke.
 
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Leif Blower and Altena the Genderqueer Wyvern Knight, children of Ethlyn and Quan (whose final stats I never bothered to screencap).
 
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Doug Faval and Patty Mayonnaise, children of Briggid and Azel.
 
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Arthur and D.W. Tinny, children of Tiltyu and Noishe.
 
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Ceddie Mercury and Tuition Fee, children of Ferry and Midayle.
 
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Delmud the Diamond and Nanna Nanna Nanna Nanna Batman, children of Raquesis and Arden.
 
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Lester the Unlikely and Anal Spelled Backwards, children of Adean and Dew.
 
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Ullster and Larcei the Formerly Unpronounceable, children of Ayra and Claude.
 
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And last, but not least, our hero, Seliph, son of Sigurd and Deirdre.
 
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Now, let me just say, this is hands-down my absolute favorite chapter in the entire series. There are a metric fuckload of reasons for this, which I'll go over as we continue along. For now, let's start with the music. You'd think that the final showdown between good and evil would be backed up by dark, gloomy pipe organs and ominous Latin chanting, right? Wrong! Instead, you get an upbeat, energetic track that makes you feel like a superhero swooping in at the nick of time to save the day. Second, the geography. Does this area around Chalphy Castle look familiar to you? Well, it should. This is the exact same area that Sigurd's journey began two decades ago, with a slightly darker color palette to reflect how much things have fallen apart since he's been gone. And as you scroll around to survey the area, you realize that the Prologue map is only a small part of a much, much bigger picture. And that's not all! If you've been paying close attention to the map layouts of each chapter throughout the game, you discover that the world map of Jugdral is only a fraction smaller than the continent's actual size!
 
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But enough of me gushing. The Home Castle is sandwiched between two squads of Dark Mages, some wielding Fenrir Tomes, and others wielding Silence Staffs. Try to take out the latter first, as if your healers get silenced, you're basically fucked.
 
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Another thing that I love about this chapter is the large number of lover conversations. However, since by now you're probably sick of all the non-combat shit going on in this episode, I'll try to spread them out over the course of the chapter rather than showing them all at once. This one will increase Lester's HP by 3.
 
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As you deal with the Dark Mages, you'll be approached by these assholes, led by a re-used portrait of Beowulf's former employer. Robert is armed with a Brave Sword and two leadership stars, but is basically a joke compared to the other bosses we'll be facing later in the chapter. If you don't manage to finish him off in one turn, he'll retreat towards Edda Castle to get healed and gather reinforcements.
 
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Edda Castle is guarded by all the long-range magical hazards you could think of: Hi Priests with Sleep Staffs, Bishops with Bolting, Blizzard, and Meteor Tomes, and Sages with Fortify Staffs to make things drag on forever. Just like with the Dark Mages from before, our first priority is to eliminate the inflictors of status effects.
 
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Another notable threat is Boyce, a Swordmaster with Jabarro's portrait and the Critical skill. He'll counter melee attacks with a Silver Sword, and ranged ones with a Thunder Sword. Like Robert, however, he mostly serves as a warm-up for what's yet to come.
 
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Oh right, I forgot to mention: Leif and Tinny hooked up during the boss abuse from last chapter. I didn't bother showing it since it's not an incest pairing, but it's still rather interesting when you consider how much shit the Freege family put Leif through. Anyway, this conversation will increase Leif's Magic by 3, which will power up his trademark Light Sword.
 
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Much soft-resetting and RNG-fellating later, we've managed to avoid a magical death, but at the cost of five of our units being put to sleep. On the bright side, Leif finally manages to get rid of Robert.
 
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The next two bosses are even more pathetic than Robert and Boyce were. Rodan is just another Bishop with a Sleep Staff, a far cry from the giant pterodactyl he takes his name from. Yupheel, the castle boss, will just sit there trying to throw Fenrirs at us while we hide in the trees. Again, our main focus should be on the Sleep Staff users.


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Once the coast is clear, wait a few turns for everyone to wake up, then move them up against this little gate thingy. It might also be a good idea to send Altena back to the Home Castle to pick up a Return Ring from the Pawn Shop.
 
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And once again, the older version of this scene was a lot better.

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Endgame, Part 2: Cheaper by the Dozel



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Only one screen of bad guy talk this time.
 
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Two groups of assholes will spawn: one small group of unpromoted Axe Knights led by Fisher, and one large group of Great Knights led by Burian. Guess which one my army is positioned to fight? Now, guess which one my army should have been positioned to fight? anhero;
 
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But rather than just soft-reset and reposition my army at the other little gate thingy, let's see if I can salvage this. We'll start by Warping Johan and Seliph back to the Home Castle while a few of our ranged fighters and Sword users take on Fisher's group.
 
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"My God, Fisher! Have you gone insane?! The mission's over!"
 
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe this makes Ares x Nanna the only incestuous pairing in the Fire Emblem series to actually acknowledge that they're blood related after hooking up. theydonothing; This increases Ares's Defense by one point.
 
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Burian serves as the first boss in this chapter who actually poses a serious threat. In addition to dealing shitloads of damage, the Helswath increases his already-nearly-capped Defense by 20. Combined with his Renewal Ring, this makes Burian the sturdiest boss in the game. It'll take swarms of your most agile Sword-users to take him down. Mages and Archers should avoid him like the plague, as the Helswath is a ranged weapon.
 
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Yet another reason why I love this chapter so much: there are a total of twenty-nine bosses in this chapter, and a decent chunk of them have personal vendettas against certain members of your army. This means that there are entire essays worth of awesome, revenge-fueled battle conversations. To start things off, here's Burian vs Johan. As much as I hate to kill the mood, I must point out that the only reason Johan joined our ranks was so he could fuck Larcei, who ended up with Shanan instead. In other words, Johan murdered his father and both of his brothers for absolutely nothing. And people say Anthony Burch is a cuck... (EDITOR'S NOTE: At the time I wrote this, I used the word "cuck" in its literal definition: "a man whose love interest has sex with other men." It's an unfortunate coincidence that the word later became associated with the alt-right.)
 
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While we're busy dealing with Burian and his gang, the next castle boss, Daggon, will impotently flap his arms in a desperate attempt to look intimidating, down to using the exact same battle quote as Yupheel. We're going to ignore him for now and instead focus on the Helswath-wielding juggernaut, who ran away like a pussy despite being at full health. On a side note, I'd like to point out that the imgur URL for that second image begins with the word "wang". (EDITOR'S NOTE: Out of all the broken images that got eaten by Imgur, this one hurts the most.)
 
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After spending the next turn hiding in Dozel Castle, Burian will come back out with some more friends, all of whom are immediately impaled upon the Mystletainn. Burian himself is subsequently trapped in a human cage consisting of our three Holy swordsmen and Oifey. For some reason, the thought never occurs to him to attack anyone and try to escape.
 
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Whatever the reason for Burian's newfound pacifism, it quickly proves to be his undoing as he is slain by Shanan. Daggon soon follows, possessing the exact same death quote as Yupheel.
 
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As usual, I recommend holding off on seizing Dozel Castle until our healers have visited these two villages for Staff repair money. One of them will sing us a fun little ditty about the Twelve Crusaders.
 
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Since moving my entire army up against the little fence thingy almost fucked me in the ass last time, this time I'll just keep them all huddled up around Dozel Castle before I seize it.
 
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Lewyn will once again provide us with some important backstory stuff: the twelve gods who empowered the Crusaders were also from the tribe of bad dragons from Archanea. But unlike Medeus and Loptyr, these were good dragons! Lewyn also mentions that they each took on a humanoid form, which would make them Manaketes.
 
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If I recall correctly, the designer's notes mention something about Dragonstones being used to forge each of the twelve Holy weapons.
 
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It's also worth pointing out that despite Naga being explicitly stated to have taken the form of a woman, she's still referred to with masculine pronouns. Since Awakening's Future Past DLC reveals that it's possible for there to be more than one Naga, and assuming the male pronouns aren't just the result of the translators fucking up, we may be dealing with a different Naga then the one whose fang was forged into the Falchion.
 
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Now, this brings me to something that I've been wanting to talk about since we first recruited Julia. Despite being brother and sister, it is entirely possible for Seliph and Julia to fall in love! However, doing so requires you to play through chapters 6-8 without resetting the game. And since I rely on Arena and Boss Abuse too much not to soft-reset, I've never been able to pull this off. I'm not sure if save states have any impact on the game's data other then the "software reset" command in SNES9X, but since we're almost done with the game, I really can't be assed to find out.

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Endgame, Part 3: Tropical Freege



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From where we last left off, the first thing we want to do is to have Leen dance for Seliph, then have our entire army enter Dozel Castle to repair their weapons (especially our healers and Holy weapon users).
 
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Above, we have some Dark Mages with Sleep Staffs, led by a Dark Bishop wielding a Fenrir Tome. Below, we have a shitload of Barons, each armed with a Silver Lance and either a Thoron Tome or a Fortify Staff. Their leader is Queen Hilda, wielding a Bolgonone Tome and another Fortify Staff. In the castle, we have Baran, yet another Sandima recolor who I'm betting has the exact same battle and death quotes as Yupheel and Daggon. Also, for some reason Hilda has Major Dain blood instead of Minor Fala.
 
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After what will hopefully be our final painfully-slow trek through the forest, we successfully approach them from the south. However...
 
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As soon as we step past that little mountain range, Scorpio and his band of Bow Knights will approach from the southwest (which, if you remember, is where Jungby Castle was located in the Prologue). We'll have to postpone our assault on Freege Castle to take them out first.
 
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The Beige Ritter are equipped with Brave Bows, but not enough Skill to land any hits on our melee units if we park them in the trees. Just stay out of Scorpio's attack range and you should be fine.
 
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As for Scorpio himself, the only threatening thing about him is his Killer Bow. He doesn't even have any Holy blood (I think this might be a glitch. He's supposed to have at least Minor Ulir).
 
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He also has two not-quite-so-unique boss conversations against the sons of the Jungby sisters (but oddly enough, not their daughters).
 
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With no melee attacks to speak of, Scorpio is highly susceptible to being trapped in a human cage and beaten to death by someone with high Skill.
 
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Once Scorpio is dead, let's very carefully move everyone up north towards Freege Castle, just one tile out of the Barons' attack range.
 
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While we're here, we might as well view another love conversation. This will increase Shanan's Strength by one point.
 
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Once you're ready, park Seliph on this space right here to draw the Barons towards you. The further away from Freege Castle, the less we'll have to worry about Fenrir Tomes and Sleep Staffs. Our goal is to cut a path through the Barons to fight Hilda, a task which is further complicated by their fondness for activating Greatshield at inopportune times.
 
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Their Resistance isn't as high as their Defense, so just keep attacking them with Armorslayers, Holy weapons, and magic.
 
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Once the Barons are gone, Hilda has two very-well-deserved boss conversations with the Tilting siblings, but sadly too much resistance for them to actually back up their words. So the kill goes to Tinny's husbandou instead.
 
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Totally fucking called it!
 
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Three down, two to go!

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