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Tyranogre

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https://www.clickorlando.com/news/florida-man-sits-on-gun-shoots-self-in-penis-police-say

 

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JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - A Jacksonville man accidentally shot himself in the penis early Friday morning when he sat on a gun in the driver's seat of his car, police said.

Cedrick Jelks, 38, was taken to Memorial Hospital by 25-year-old Shanekia Roberts, who told police that Jelks was sitting in his Nissan Altima by himself and came into their home on Freedom Crossing Trail in a panic and ran straight to the bathroom.

She said she followed him and saw that he had a gunshot wound to his penis, so she took him to the hospital, where he underwent surgery.

She said Jelks told her he sat on the gun, which accidentally went off.

Investigators found that Jelks was convicted of cocaine possession in 2004.

It's possible he will be facing charges for possessing a firearm, because he is a convicted felon.

 

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wondering how many pages of search results you went through to find a headline that said penis ohyeah;
 

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A Florida man said Wednesday he felt “blessed” after someone turned in $1,300 he lost at a grocery store parking lot.

Chris Woods, of Clearwater, had taken the money out from one bank account two weeks ago with the intention of putting it into another one, according to FOX13 Tampa Bay. He said he thinks he sandwiched the cash between two phones in his pocket and when he went to grab one of them in a Publix parking lot, the cash fell out.

“We looked everywhere for it. I went everywhere and assumed it was gone,” Woods told the station.

Woods’ luck changed when someone found the cash in the parking lot and turned it into police.

The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office tweeted a photo of a man Tuesday walking through the grocery store. It was Woods.

“This morning, my neighbor from across the street came over beating on the door and said, ‘Chris you were on the news. They found your money,’” Woods said.

He said he would never forget this Fourth of July and now has over a thousand reasons to be thankful.

“There's good people in this world,” he said.  “[I’m] very blessed a good person found it.”

 

 


there you go i killed the meme

 

Edited by Pichi
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https://www.nbc29.com/story/38912248/florida-man-sets-raccoon-on-fire-for-eating-his-mangoes

 

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Florida man sets raccoon on fire for eating his mangoes

 

A Florida man is accused of setting a raccoon on fire in his front yard in an attempt to kill it.

 

"Eighty-eight-years-old, first time I ever have to go to jail. I never thought about killing nobody in my lifetime - no man, no woman, no kid," said the suspect, Ezra James.

 

Jame posted a $2,000 bail just before he described his plans to killed a raccoon, however, for eating his mangoes, and to prevent it from biting him and giving him rabies.

 

Best part is the last line of the article though:

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When asked if James would ever set another raccoon on fire, he answered, "No, I'm done with that."

 

Mango ownership is serious shit.

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2 hours ago, Fuzzer1 said:

Oh Florida. Why do you give us crazy news stories on a daily basis?

I think it's actually something to do with the press having more freedom/access to police files. So these crazy ass stories bring in the traffic, so they always dig them up for publication.

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