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Malkon plays FE7: The Politically Incorrect Interpretation-Continued from NS2


Malkon

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Hello N4Asters,

WARNING: THIS LET'S PLAY MAY CONTAIN PROFANITIES AND REALLY SENSITIVE SUBJECTS. IT IS NOT FOR THE FEINT OF HEART. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

Back on NS2, I was doing a Let's Play of Fire Emblem 7 that was basically done with aside from like 10 chapters or something. As a result, and by two requests popular demand, I have decided that this 2 year long itch needs to be scratched. So unless N4A closes unexpectedly, I will attempt to wrap up that Let's Play I started almost 3 years ago. Unfortunately, I don't have a great recap for those who didn't pay attention back on NS2, and unless you log in, I can't exactly link you to the let's play page. So I would recommend either logging into NS2 and re read if you want the first 4/5ths of this let's play, or read my crummy intro "stuff" that will be part of the next chapter I post. Hint: It's a really shitty recap.

To go over my objectives met, and unmet for this Let's Play, I will recap them below:

1. Play Eliwood's Campaign & A support with Fiora - Complete, just beat game
2. Beat Lyn's Campaign on Hard - Complete

3. Unlock my missing sound tracks - Complete, just need Hec/Lyn to talk in ch 29x
4. Get new Support Convos - In progress
5. Play through Hector's Campaign & get chars/support convos not in Eliwood's campaign - In Progress, I think I've done it but we will find out soon.

From what I understand, this is all I have left to do to finish my Let's play:

Eliwood:
26x
27
28

29

29x

30

Finale

Hector:
Two Alt chapters
Ch 30x
Finale

There might be a little more, but that's it. I have completed 26x for Eliwood and am prepping it for posting hopefully this week at some point.

So without further ado, I present:

 

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CHAPTER TITLES WILL GO HERE

 

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One thing that I did when reposting FE3 Book 2 was to include "editor's notes" in red text to comment on things that happened since then that made the LP funnier in hindsight (i.e. Linde becoming an idol in her ending foreshadowing her appearance as a boss in Tokyo Mirage Sessions), or answer questions that my past self didn't know at the time (i.e. what the "Swordkill" does).

 

I also quoted comments that people left on the original NS2 chapters that I thought were interesting or funny.

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Last time on FE: TPII, 2 years passed and no one remembers just how much of a trainwreck this really is…

 

-Lesbindis = Rapey, Incestuous, Mind Controlling, Demoness Lyndis

-Firecrotch = Rapey, Gay 4 Marcus, into loli drug dealers, Eliwood

-Blueballs = Semi sane one, Gay 4 Firecrotch…sorta. Aka Hector

-Aladdin = Jaffar

-El Nino = Nino, slowly coming down with Bootleg Leif Syndrome, aka saying “…” a lot.

-Jizza = Jizz + A “not Pizza” = Tactician w/stockholm syndrome & a serious chess addiction

-Sonia’s Vagina = Limstella

-Sonia = Sonia

-Waifu = Depressive Fiora

-Shota = Nils & Crack Addict

-Marcus = Gay 4 Eliwood & Roy’s future daddy. Also had a poly thing with Lowen Wilson for awhile

-Lowen Wilson = Owen

-Pimp Mommy = Priscilla

-Sting = Heath, king of the 3 stat level ups

-Re-Becca = Rebecca

-Hurricane Katrina = Legault

-That’s So Raven = Raven

-Oscelost = Oscegod = Oswin

-Willing Will aka Willfer Aniston = Will & a demon

-Drag Queen Cancer Patient = Dart, gay 4 party

-Canas…actually have not given him a nickname yet.

-Alien = Matthew

-Bootleg Leif = An old NS2 playthrough of a bootlegged fire emblem game in which a character that looks suspiciously similar to Leif, posted "..." over and over. If a character says "..." it was generally considered to have acquired Bootleg Leif Syndrome.

 

There’s more, but I’ll introduce them later…that sorta catches you up…you can also read the original on NS2 if you want…I don’t really feel like recreating it, this is mostly for fans who wanted to see this finished.

 

…in bed ;)
 

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They joined them at night…le sigh…all of the lesbindis and firecrotch rapey orgy times continue to grow.

 

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El Nino seems to have made a full recovery and uhhh apparently needs some mommy action.

 

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Apparently Aladdin is into MILFS too…and El Nino is touched by this…das…really weird.

 

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BAD LESBINDIS STAY AWAY FROM EL NINO SHE IS NOT FOR YOU! spray+bottle+for+cats.jpg

 

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OH god…it’s spreading…the Bootleg Leif syndrome is spreading. RUN!!!!

 

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Well I knew Aladdin could get hard…but El Nino too? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay that’s news.

 

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Wait wait wait, I’m questioning why El Nino is hard…why are we questioning Jaffar’s capability to get hard is he…ohhhhh geez I’m insensitive. Of course he has erectile dysfunction. Wow, okay I’ll try to be more sensitive.

 

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Why you lookin at me like dat Blueballs? O-oh has senpai finally noticed me? :O

Also the glazed look in firecrotches’ eyes proves he is being mind controlled by lesbindis…who “agrees” with what he is saying…conveniently

 

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Oh uhhhhhh but you are gay 4 Marcus. This isn’t gonna work. Sorry pal.

 

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Or uhhhh…okay fine let’s do it Firecrotch, le sigh.

 

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A note about this room, it’s a beautiful shade of purple, but my camera doesn’t do it justice. Just know it’s beautiful.

Meanwhile, Sonia now calls her vagina “puppet” which makes me think of the guys from Pirates of the Caribbean.

 

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Jeeeez Sonia is not good to her vagina. Might be some self mutilation stuff going on there.

 

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Apparently Daddy walked in on Sonia self-mutilating…this ain’t gonna end well.

 

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Ummm this feels very much like a feminist debate. Sonia should have the right to self-mutilate as much as she want and SHE DONT NEED NO MAN GUILT TRIPPIN HER.

 

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And like the empowered female she is, Sonia goes Medea on daddy’s ass.

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You go Medea!!! Show that man who’s in control.

 

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Oh right, for those who aren’t familiar with this, we’ve determined that Quintessence = Sperm. Sooooooo Sonia’s vagina gonna take dem man juices now that she’s killed em.

 

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And this poor…random dude walks in on the gross sticky floor from Medea’s mess.

 

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LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS DUDE! RUNN!!!!

 

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Sonia’s ready to dish it out, and no one is safe. Not even her incestuous dau-

 

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OH SNAP! turn-down-for-what-meme.jpg

 

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Holy mother of monologue. Yes this seems much better than just…killing her and ending her pain. Make her suffer a bunch first. Sonia’s on a warpath and ain’t nobody safe!

 

Note: This entire side chapter is the reason I think most people consider El Nino one of the best characters. She has a tragic backstory, and in spite of it loves everyone around her unconditionally. She also tries to do what is right and a lot of the bad shit that happens to her isn’t her fault…just an easy person to identify with. It’s ultra satisfying to train El Nino up a bunch this chapter and deliver the final blow to Sonia…I didn’t as you will see, but maybe in Blueballs’ campaign I’ll try.

 

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And this scene is the reason I love getting El Nino and Aladdin to A support…all the feeeelz.

 

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Oh god, the water is gonna save them…weird.

 

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And here we see that Firecrotch only cares about Lesbindis as…the pathways disappear…great, a chapter all about disappearing walkways…pretty sure this is a regular thing in Fire Emblem, but not ultra common.

 

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I mean…given the descriptions of the lords given above as a recap…she’s not wrong. They should…probably all just...get jesus or something. Death seems a touch extreme…

 

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Dude, the entire place is water…why are you surprised?

 

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Gross.

 

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Run Nino, the mind controlling lesbian rapist is coming for you!

 

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Too late.

 

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If you’ve never played a chapter like this before, it’s actually solid advice. And it’s free. Shota much preferred to bitch grandma.

 

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Solid items to steal this chapter, esp that angelic robe & the fell contract, though technically that will drop.

 

Note: The Fell Contract is the ONLY item in game that will allow a thief to promote and this is the only place to get it…so if you miss this chapter, Hurricane Katrina and Alien can never promote, saaaaad. Also no other promotion item works on them, so you can only have one promote per game. I’ll be promoting Hurricane this campaign and Alien in Blueballs’ campaign to show you the different promotions.

 

Note 2: Sonia is actually a badass for a boss, however her luck is shit, so she will likely never crit against you. That being said she’s not a pushover, so be careful.

 

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A beautifully designed map made to make you think and move fast. For Jizza, the chess champion, this is a tactician’s gold mine.

 

The general strategy here is to have two teams, one that goes north while this path is still here, and a smaller crew that chills out going south. Eventually they will meet up again towards the end, and if danger strikes you have fliers who can ferry them back and forth on an emergency basis.

 

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First thing’s first, got that heaven’s seal at the end of the last chapter, so gotta promote Blueballs. Stats are decent, though I feel like I’ve had better. The Defense and relatively high speed for an axe user are appreciated. The strength is good but could be better…hopefully he levels up well.

 

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My original intent was to level up and possibly promote Nino this chapter to get a special dialog between her and Sonia…but it’s far from easy to do. Here’s her stats and a reason why she is the top Afa’s Drops contender for her Est Archetype.

 

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3 stat Sting strikes again! That strength is wild.

 

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And…with a 33% chance of being hit, Blueballs gets poisoned. Fuck.

 

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Oh yeah, before I forget, here’s Aladdin’s stats. He is, by far, the best pre promoted unit in the game, in my opinion. He is far superior to Hurricane Katrina and Alien unless you have been getting godly level ups by the other two. Plus give him a lockpick and he will sweep the field with his godliness. The one and only downside to assassins is the fact they cannot steal…I will have to gage this limitation closely.

 

Otherwise look at this dude, his strength is nearly maxed, his skill and speed are deadly, and his defense is actually pretty good for a “thief”. The luck and HP are his two downfalls, but he more than makes up for it.

 

Note: Assassins have a special critical known as 1 hit KO which will kill any enemy in one hit…unfortunately I don’t yet have a good pic of this move, but throw a killing edge on an assassin and they are beastly.

 

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Kinda not liking this two stat trend happening. The def is nice for Re-Becca though.

 

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Luck & res for Raven is great!



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A semi boring convo where Lyn shows off her dom side to get Willing Will to bend to her mind controlling will.

 

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Things go decently despite my set back with Blueballs getting poisoned.

 

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Apparently, Blueballs is just having things bounce off his armor and he is leveling up now. A decent level up.

 

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Here is the first item up for grabs, the red gem. The idea is to force him into a tunnel situation so he uses his light brand to hit someone from a distance, not do much damage, have your thief steal the item, and then kill him. Not too hard.

 

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And this is why Aladdin is generally far superior…sigh.

 

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I’ll take the res and speed, god that strength is just godly.

 

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And this is why I like using Nino. She generally gets great level ups and with afa’s drops she often turns out to be the best party member by the end. Despite me having given the drops to Sting to switch things up a few chaps prior, she still gets a 4 stat level up!

 

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Waifu earning her keep.

 

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Things go great until…

 

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Oh shit, my assassin…is now berserked with a killing edge…and of course, the ONE chapter that Merlinus can’t attend and the ONE chapter I don’t bring a status healing staff…someone gets berserked. Also the stupid Bishop that does this only had 37% chance of hitting…

 

Ugh this is not good.

 

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Until I’m for sure dead, I’ll carry on, the coveted Angelic robe is stolen and I press forward, both teams working both routes well

 

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Uhhhh wtf Raven?!

 

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Okay…maybe maybe I’ll be fine. Aladdin seems to be distracted at the moment…

 

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Mmmmmm nah brah. I’ll keep my sperm thanks.

 

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Oh right, because berserked Aladdin wasn’t bad enough, Sonia has bolting. FML…I’m going to die aren’t I?

 

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Lyn comes crazy close to death, but by the skin of my teeth I keep her alive.

 

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The defense is nice…but on the other hand he doesn’t have any more distractions. Ugh this is gonna be rough…

 

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Of course I get a lyn 5 stat level up the one time I have to redo a chapter…

 

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The range isn’t quite as bad given she doesn’t move, but with a 10 space range it’s still intimidating.

 

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And..another beautiful 4 stat level up and I’m realizing just how sucky starting over is gonna be.

 

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The defense is nice, but again…

 

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Sigh, this…is gonna suck...

 

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Could you just…idk not? I’ve magically survived several hits up until now and I just…I just wanna live.

 

Note: This screen is from a convo between Sonia and Aladdin when she attacks him with bolting.

 

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*jaws theme*

 

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I desperately try to cling to any sort of hope that I won’t lose these magical stat increases when…

 

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And Lyn dies from Aladdin attacking meaning I am forced to start the entire chapter over…ugh.

 

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Alright, let’s try again and not be stupid and bring a restore. Ugh. I already have a bad feeling about this.

 

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And this time, Blueballs isn’t poisoned.

 

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3 stat sting, that’s so Raven & Willing Will getting some badass level ups…and then we have El Nino…who just…after three levels I decide it’s not worth it, maybe I’ll have better luck in Blueball’s campaign. Overall, I just…have this bad taste in my mouth.

 

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I get back to my place where I was, and ofc no one gets berserked this time. Ugh. And everyone survives Sonia’s boltings. I lure the above Wyvern Lord so that Hurricane Katrina can steal the final item, and stole the previous two again, and it works like a charm.

 

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3 Stat Sting strikes again. YAY SPEED AND DEF

 

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Annnnd then I realize just how stupid I am in forgetting Merlinus isn’t here because I’m used to that. I went ahead and tossed the emblem sword…it’s basically an iron sword anyways. I’m a touch careful after that with how I open chests and approach the final boss.

 

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I do a few last minute boss grinding attacks until…

 

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Bye Medea!

 

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yes yes, very tragedy all teh dead parents.

 

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Alright guess we are done here time to-

 

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WOAH WOAH WOAH when did this gross happen?! Like…did you all just do it in the water? Ewwww grossssss. that means people were swimming in…ewwwwww…

 

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And I guess we are now training El Nino to become the next gross rapey member of the party. Ugh, I had such high hopes for you…

 

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Once again Sonia self-mutilates her vagina.

 

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And just like that the vagina has rebelled against it’s owner and freed itself! I wonder what would happen if you don’t do this chapter, like does Aladdin join the party? Does Sonia appear later on? This feels way too important to be a side quest.

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This would have been up sooner but I hit a snag, I'm going to consult with my fellow former Let's Players before continuing on because what I'm currently doing to get chapters up is insane. I spent about 5 hours last night and another 2 hours tonight fixing something that I don't fully understand what happened.

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If you didn’t do this chapter, Limstella would have shown up at the end of Battle Before Dawn and anti-climatically killed Sonia in a cutscene. I don’t remember whether the dialogue is different or not.

 

Basically, the reward for this sidequest is learning about Nino’s backstory, and the satisfaction of getting to kill Sonia with your own hands.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 years later...
9 hours ago, Malkon said:

2.5 years later and here I am having never finished this monstrosity, is it even worth it at this point?

 

My Thracia 776 blind LP basically disappeared from the public consciousness after about chapter 7 or so. And yet, I still stuck with it to the very end, even doing both sides of the route split. I didn't give a shit if nobody was reading it; what mattered to me was that I enjoyed making it.

 

Me and Chrom are the only ones still active on this site who were around when you started this on NS2 six years ago. We're the only ones who would notice if you finished it or not. But this LP isn't about me or Chrom; it's about you. Did you enjoy making this? Do you want to finish it?

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10 hours ago, Tyranogre said:

 

My Thracia 776 blind LP basically disappeared from the public consciousness after about chapter 7 or so. And yet, I still stuck with it to the very end, even doing both sides of the route split. I didn't give a shit if nobody was reading it; what mattered to me was that I enjoyed making it.

 

Me and Chrom are the only ones still active on this site who were around when you started this on NS2 six years ago. We're the only ones who would notice if you finished it or not. But this LP isn't about me or Chrom; it's about you. Did you enjoy making this? Do you want to finish it?

I remember the last chapter being a pain to get the images up. Perhaps I shall. We will see ;)

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